ASK BUTTA: Should I Dump This Long Distance Relationship?

Hey Butta,

I really need some advice with my current dating situation. Ok, I began dating this guy around July of last year. I had just ended a 7 year relationship with my first love and was ready to move on cause he put me through so much s?t. Well this new guy came along and was a complete gentleman, however after only 3 weeks of dating his job transferred him out-of-state. We decided to continue dating and just do the long distance thing. Here?s where my confusion comes in?.each time we visit each other he always wants me to go half?or put something on the plane tickets. I don?t think that?s fair because he makes close to 50k a year and I?m a student working part-time. On top of that, we are not officially together. He acts as if he doesn?t want to commit to me but he tells me he loves me all the time; wanted me to meet his mother?(which i?did); and he?s met [my mother].? On top of that every time?I come to visit him he always wants me to stay weeks at a time.??I don?t get him. I understand the distance between us makes things harder but it?s almost been a full year that we?ve been dating?so a lot of this is not making sense to me anymore. I want a commitment.?? Oh and get this! I recently went on a trip to Miami with my friends and (as I said) he currently?works in Florida. Well, he wanted to see me so he tried to find me a one way flight to his city?to no avail.? Then he tried to put me on the bus, but i?refused! lol? He ended up driving his a$$ all?the way to Miami just to pick me up?and that was a 5 hour drive for him.? BUT he still made me go half on my one way flight back home lol.? So i don?t get this kid. He?s really an amazing man but because he?s not ready to officially be with me [I feel like I'm] waiting on him, which is a blow to my ego.? I?think it devalues me as a woman. At the same time I definitely don?t want us to fall off because he?s great?almost perfect for me. What should I do?

Dear Far Away Girl,

Long distance relationships are a trip!? The reason why many don?t work is?the distance between the two people involved.

Neither of you really knows what the other one is doing.? I mean, you don?t get to know a person by phone, email or, text.? Anybody can pretend to be anything?for a day,? a week, or a few weeks (while you visit them) and then revert back to their normal self when you leave.? A guy could spend a week with one woman and have 3 other chicks in rotation when his visiting girl leaves.? He can tell the 3 regular chicks he?s going out-of-town?or staying with a sick relative while he runs around town with the visiting female.? H*ll, a guy can have a girlfriend or a wife and have a chick coming in and out-of-town for visits.? The Playboys who read this Site know what I?m talking about.

I think you are?in a situation where a guy has you believing you?ve met your Prince Charming, when he?s just a Regular Cat.? Prince Charming?wouldn?t have you going half on plane tickets (especially when he makes double, triple or quadruple your salary).? And, Prince Charming?wouldn?t avoid committment.?You know who will though?? You know who will ask his lover to go half on tickets and who will say ?I love you? but refuse to commit?? The Long Distance Playboy!

That Cat will?say whatever he needs to say on the phone to make you think he only has eyes for you.? And, he?ll treat you well when you visit and act like he doesn?t want you to leave.? But when you leave?all bets are off.? You don?t exist and his normal ?Single AND Available? life resumes.

The Long?Distance Playboy?doesn?t worry about you finding out.? How can you?? You?re all the way where you are and he?s all the way where he is.

Am I sure your guy is a Long Distance Playboy?? Yes!? How am I sure about that?? Because his actions don?t line up with his words.? Simple.

I think this guy and this relationship you?re in?are more effort than they?re?worth.

So what you met his mama.? That means little in this day and age.? A lot of dudes introduce multiple women a?month to their mother.? You see, every time he brings a new chick around, mama Plays along with his Script.? Some mothers get off on that!? Don?t ask me why they do that.? I just know that they do it.? If you don?t believe me, just watch Lil Scrappy?s mother Momma Dee on LHHATL.? You?ll?see in her exactly what I?m talking about.? Point blank, meeting a man?s mother isn?t?necessarily a big deal.? In fact, that ish is sometimes part of the con.

WHO?S YOUR BEST SOURCE OF INFORMATION?? IT AIN?T MOMMA!? (PLEASE RE-READ THAT POST LADIES)

If you want to Peep this guy?s Game, I think you need to meet this Cat?s close friends.? You?d learn more from them than you will ever learn from meeting his mama.

Peep Game: There?s always a hating-a$$ friend in every guy?s crew.? He?s the one that throws shots at his boys behind their backs.? He?s the one you need to meet.? He?ll tell you what?s really going on with your guy, even if he hints around it in casual conversation with you.? I GUARANTEE IT!!!

Don?t?waste your precious time with any man who isn?t willing to give you the kind of relationship you want.? You will only regret it later.

Long distance relationships are workable IF THE TWO PEOPLE INVOLVED ARE ON THE SAME PAGE AND ARE WORKING TOWARDS A SOLUTION TO BEING APART.? You and your boyfriend are not on the same page, nor are you working towards a solution to being apart.? So, where is this going?

If you must continue to date this guy, let me give you some pointers.? THIS is how you can Flip This Player?s Game:

1. Insist that he pay for all your expenses when you visit
2. Keep this dude in your Rolodex, but only visit him when you get bored with the guys in your hometown

With #2, you?ll still need to have?your guy?pay for your expenses.

Remember?

?Money to men is like sex to women.? When you can get a man to do what you want him to do (with his money), you?re truly Running Game!?

Much Love,

Butta Jonez

(Use the ?Contact? tab above to send your question to Butta Jonez.? Your question may be selected for an upcoming publication of the ?Ask Butta? column.)

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